We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
