saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
