It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
