Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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