He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
