I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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