The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
