I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
