There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This baby is an asshole
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
