Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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