Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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