Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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