Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
