nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
