Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
