my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
