I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
