I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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