i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
