Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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