3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
