i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
