I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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