Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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