I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
