Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
