I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
