whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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