he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
