I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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