Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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