Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
