i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
