Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
