My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You can't special order awesome
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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