yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
