either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
