I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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