he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
