Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
