Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
