He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
