new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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