When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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