oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
