I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
