So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
