the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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