you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
