I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
