i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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